I read an interesting article the other day which outlined the key issues between positivity and authenticity.
The author described how in seeking to maintain 100% positivity, when a prospective customer declined his offer, the psychological jolt he experienced was not only painful, but it required him to reconsider and reset his mental approach.
He suggested that positivity could be like a drug, and like a drug, the ‘come-down’ following a disappointment could be very damaging to our wellbeing.
He changed his approach to ‘authenticity’. In this way, he accepted his shortcomings, used any setback to reshape his approach, and allowed himself to acknowledge all aspects of his strengths, weaknesses, preferences and emotions. In short, to admit he was human.
Once I had read this I reflected on my own approach.
I display positivity and I look for positivity in others. Is this ‘authentic’ to myself, to my psyche? I believe it is. I genuinely enjoy being around people and enjoying their successes as much as my own.
However, whenever I am asked ‘how are you?’ invariably I say ‘great thanks’, even if I do not feel it. Why? Because I learned early on that answering negatively to this question elicited little more than a slight murmur of sympathy and I was eventually avoided. The longer the friendship, the longer they would listen before avoiding. Nobody likes a grumbler! Although my approach was truly authentic, it taught me that it is human nature to avoid the negative unless you are a true and caring friend. From then on, I adopted a slightly more positive response. Interestingly, I found that the more I talked positively, the more positive I felt!
I use the same in return. If I am taking to a friend and I suspect they are being falsely positive, I will ask them twice. ‘No really, how are you?’ Then I get the authentic answer.
As with most aspects of the mind and its involvement in working practices, both approaches are needed, and it is up to the individual what balance between the two they wish to achieve.
Now, I simply acknowledging that both approaches are needed and their selection will depend on the individual, the situation, and the other people involved. I find it interesting that the more aware of both, and the more aware I am of my feelings and preferences, the better balance I achieve between the two.
How do you feel about this? Are you too positive? Perhaps you are too negative? Could you be more authentic?
Let me know your thoughts, or if you have any further questions, why not get in touch? You can do so HERE or by email directly!